Teeth

Here I am again, face to face with my own fears, insecurities and beneath all that, a hopelessness that forever returns. I think about Yosemite and Tahoe, the little moments sitting with you and my heart becoming so set in its ways, softening up for you.

As humans we are selfish. We do not always think before we act; we hurt the ones we love. Sometimes, quick and minor, like ripping off a band-aid. An honest mistake or a slip of the tongue that brings pain to the ones we care for. Then there is the slow drag of a dull knife that over time, brings your loved one to question if your love was ever there at all.

I only hurt as deeply as I love you, and that feels endless right now.

I look at myself, naked, with my flaws just as visible as my beauty, and I don’t see anything here deserving of such betrayal. A scruffy, emaciated dog with scars that hold stories never to be told. A dog that bites only to protect itself from the pain it’s known since birth. But slowly, inching closer towards you, and eventually allowing a hand to run down its back. Confused by the feeling, yet eventually leaning into it.

Being brought to an unfamiliar place and, overtime, feeling like home. A heartfelt story-you would want a heartfelt ending, but eventually, this dog’s fate is only to be struck again. Too tired and helpless to run away.

I finally shed all of my armor. You celebrated me and the courage it took. I thought that was the hard part. All along, the most painful part would be leaning down, aching with regret, and picking it all up again, piece by piece. For now, I stand still, watching the world go on.